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[14 Jul 2007|05:57pm] |
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does anyone want to go to the beach monday or tuesday?
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[09 Jul 2007|05:30pm] |
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new hampshire was sweeeeeeeeet.
i realize how much i don't need justin at all in my life.
not even as a friend because he's such an asshole to me reguardless.
i don't have the urge to call him anymore, see him, or speak to him.
i only talk to him when he calls me and i usually have nothing to say so it's him calling to see "whats up"
maybe that's his way of showing he wants to know whats going on in my life since he has no care in the world about me.
that's fine though because i know i don't need him.
it just hurts so much when i think about what he did to me.
i want to get him back so bad but i can't and it's wrong and it would make him think that i'm not over it.
i mean, i'm obviously not as infuriated as i was when i found out, but it hurts a little.
he's told me that this whole thing will pass and to give it time .. but why would i want to be put through this bullshit any longer by waiting?
so that when he finally fucks up with her he'll be able to come crawling back to me?
yeah, i don't think so. that's so not gonna happen.
i'm so much better than that.
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[16 Jan 2007|02:46pm] |
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k well this weekend was basically all work.
saturday night i had off so i hung out with my mom :)
then sunday after work i slept over jess's with kate. gtz
monday i work 5-10 and we were so short staffed.. it sucked. buttt i bought a cool sweater and i like it a lot but idk if i wanna exchange sizes.
andd im sick AGAIN. and i hate it.
i kept almost falling asleep in chem today too.
ughh. and we had a stupid code yellow today during my study.
code yellow is so lame!
i saw mr. braggs afterschool for like 5 minutes with ver jac diana and monica because i had to pass in my research paper.
when i was walking to jac's car i saw joeyyy!
then jac drove me home.
now im cold. and i have a cold. and my nose is red and my lips are chapped.
butttt this powerade is pretty sweet.
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[25 Oct 2006|06:51pm] |
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i got my punK back <3
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[18 Oct 2006|02:40pm] |
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so let's talk about how Joey, Alex, and Scott made my entire day today.
i was walking to homeroom and all of a sudden i saw joey! and i was like :) :) JOEY! and he was like STEPH! and we hugged. it was quite nice.
thenn afterschool i saw alex. :)
then i was hanging out after school with jess and jess and i was tapped on the shoulder and it was scott!
and i was like ahhh SCOTT! and we hugged and talked and it was pretty much amazing.
i loooove them.
oh and i love Kaitlin Lee Dowdy too!
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[28 Sep 2006|06:29pm] |
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well let's see.
i'm in a really good mood. :)
the weekend is like tomorrow.
looong weekend :)
mhmhm.
lalalaal.
today school was shit.
i hate school.
buttt whateverr.
afterschool alex and i came here and hung out.
we watched the end of scarface and then fell asleep haha.
he's amazing.
yupp<3
yeeeeaaahhh
i'm so tired.
i might sleep.
but i probably won't.
BYE!
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[14 Sep 2006|07:32pm] |
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so who wants things back the way they used to be?
yeah, me too.
is it gonna happen?
yeah, i don't think so either.
i guess high school, girlfriends/boyfriends, other friends you meet do that to you.
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[12 Sep 2006|07:14pm] |
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not that you'll ever see this, but congradulations, you finally got the girl you wanted.
a stupid slut who will do drugs all the time with you. have fun.
honestly, why the fuck do you still call me?
you have a new girlfriend, please forget about me.
stop calling me, stop talking to me, stop telling me what's going on in your life.
i don't care anymore. we're so over, and you need to realize i'm not going to care like i used to.
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anyways onto the next person/thing i'm not liking right now.
i've been debating if i wanted to write this entry or not.
i'm not sure how to word it or if i want to say anything.
i fucking hate the way you are.
you drive me in fucking sane.
sometimes i don't know why i even bother anymore.
yet, i always know the reason why i do.
it kills me inside. everything you do/say.
i fucking hate it all.
i don't wanna deal with it anymore.
i wanna tell you so bad, but it won't help. i know it.
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papa roach's new album came out today.
lyrics aren't that great but i downloaded the songs so hopefully they're good.
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i fucking hate how i do the same things everyday.
school, home, homework, phone, bed, weekdays.
friday, mall. not that it's fun anymore. i just go to hopefully see kristi. that is, if she even goes.
saturday and sunday = work.
my life is so boring and predictable.
i want my license. november is soon .. yet seems so far away.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
yeah so fuck you.
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[11 Aug 2006|01:06pm] |
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okay so tuesday i worked out with jess, ver, jac, liz, and kaitlin.
it was tizzles.
thennn later on that day i went to plaster funtime with all of them + kasey.
i already wrote about this.
wednesday i went to plaster funtime again with kaitlin, liz, and kaitlin's sister jess to finish our work.
i went back to kaitlin's and played with maddie and played with kaitlin.
thennn i went to kates with kaitlin, jess, and ver.
on the way home becca called! it was tizzles! ver and i talked to her.
thursday i slept til 3:06! intense.
went to the mall for a little and saw jess and dan.
then i went home.
today i worked out with jess.
it was a bonding time.
she dropped me off after.
then we went to hot topic and i watched her try on some hot pants.
she got pants that we both think are too tight but it's okay because we're in love with them.
i might go work out again tonight with my sister, valeria, and bruno.
then mall. duhhh.
<3
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[09 Aug 2006|01:49am] |
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so today technically yesterday i went to plaster funtime with jess, kaitlin, ver, jac, kasey, kelly, and liz.
it was fun but some of us didnt get to finish so i think we're going back on friday.
after that jess, kelly, and i went to ver and jac's to see shakira shakira.
SHE IS SO FREAKING CUTE.
then i watched dogdeball with jac for a little.
then jess drove me home.
then i went online and talked to susan and now im here at susan's house.
yes yes.
i have to be up in a little more than 5 hours to go work out with jess kaitlin and liz at school.
im waiting for kristi to come back online so i can have my nightly chat with her.
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[14 Jul 2006|11:00pm] |
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WELL.
YESTERDAY. kaitlin and i took the train into cambridge and went to this place called the garage.
it was amazing. we walked around harvard square a little bit too.
bums hit on us. it was awkward.
we got matching earrings!
and yeah it was pretty much amazing<3
then kaitlin came over for a little and so did brian kerr!
he gave kaitlin this old sweatshirt of his. yes.
then she left around 8:30ish.
amazing day? i think so<3 well needed as well.
todayyyyy. i went to summer school and then worked 1-10.
not fun. hot. ew.
tomorrow im working 9:30 -5.
then i will be attending the Adam's Residence.
with possibly kaitlin?
ahhhh i can't wait. fun fun fun :)
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[12 Jul 2006|04:01pm] |
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i don't think i have cried as much and as hard as i did today in a really long time.
my eyes are killing me.
i can hardly keep them open.
lately, everything has been so horrible and i dont know why.
i hate so many things because i get so pissed off & upset all the time.
i dont know why i'm like this.
i dont want to be like this.
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[12 Jul 2006|12:13am] |
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today was good.
i went to boston with caitlin, madelyn, ashley, & danielle for madelyn's birthday.
we took the T in. we went to fanuel hall.
it was so sosososo much fun.
then we were going to go to the swan boats but it was storming so we didn't.
we were also going to go to the garage but we didnt.
we went back to framingham and went to rt. 9 tattoo and piercing.
danielle got her lip pierced. lucky. it reminded me of kaitlin.
caitlin made an appointment to get her named tattooed on her foot.
walgreens, back to rt.9 tattoo & piercing, watched movies, took pictures.
went to work, out to dinner at unos at 930.
starbucks at 1030 =)
dropped ashley off, then me.
tonight was amazing.
oh & i guess i'm losing my best friend?
yeah. who knew that would happen.
we're always going to be mad at each other. either way it's not gonna go right for at least one of us.
and i dont know why if you didnt like the way you felt when i did that to you with justin why you're making me feel like that now.
why the fuck do you keep bringing up justin? IM NOT FUCKING GOING OUT WITH HIM.
i hate him so much for everything. i want you to UNDERSTAND that.
there is no steph and justin. NONE.
get it? good.
sorry that i'm "not too fond" of joey because he took my best friend away.
sorry that you think i'm making you choose.
sorry for trying to make things better.
sorry that you cant see me more in a week than you can joey.
sorry that i ever existed? because if im supposedly making you choose then obviously i'm not a good best friend.
god forbid that i would want to hang out with my best friend.
sorry that after all these years i'm losing the one thing that kept me happy, our friendship.
i feel like i'm repeating myself all the time.
third fight. nothing's changed. we'll hang out once. then it's like 'okay i did my deed. i hung out with her at least once.'
i want more. i need more. kaitlin you need to understand this is killing me.
i want to steal a car and bring you with me and we'll be together like it used to be.
make us be the same.
im getting so mad about this. i hate it so fucking much.
is it payback? tell me what you're doing is payback.
it sure as hell feels like it.
thanks.
i can't handle this anymore. =(
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[09 Jul 2006|12:35pm] |
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i'm angry and upset.
things are stupid.
i don't know what to do with myself anymore.
there's no one really to hang out with except for tina, julie, and david.
someone(s) mad at me. which is stupid because i definitely had every right to be mad at them.
i'm really bored.
i miss jess, ver, jac, kate, & kelly.
come homeee :(
i don't like being angry all the time.
sometimes i cant really help it ..
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[28 Jun 2006|02:40pm] |
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i'm working 5-9:55 tonight. sorry.
i'm not trying to fight over lj.
we're never on at the same time and now you're sort of grounded so yeah idk.
i'm going out with nicole tomorrow at 4. and i'll be home by 5 or 5:30 because she has to pick up her brother at 6:30 at the airport.
then i'm not doing anything.
friday i'm going to the mall to see kristi because her birthday is tomorrow so im seeing her the day after.
you're welcome to come but you said you were going to be making pudding with joey.
saturday i'm sure you're working and so am i. until 5.
then i'm doing nothing.
and yeah, i am so angry. you know i'm an angry person.
i never said i didnt wanna fix it.. it just seems a tad hopeless.
i don't know what to do anymore.
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[27 Jun 2006|01:58pm] |
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so.. summer school started today.. worksheets .. im getting a new teacher tomorrow because theres a lot of bio people.
kim's in my class.. ew.
after, i walked to julie's house. we watched soccer & maury.
i made juice and came on here.
last night i was going through my myspace inbox and i found that letter from you when we had our fight.
it killed me inside.
we're growing apart already.
i can't handle accepting that.
i get angry when your away messages say out with him or whatever.
it makes me angry and sad to talk to you.
it's killing me to accept that we're not going to be like we were.. especially because of school next year.
it makes me question about our future plans.. i'm scared about that too.
i'm writing this in here because i'm too dflgjkfg to tell you online.
i miss you but i don't because i guess i'm getting used to you not being there to hang out with.
last summer you had julie nordstrom and this summer you have him.
what about me? you say you miss me and stuff but you don't do anything to change it.
is this payback for what happened in the past? i'm sorry and you know that ..
i'm not trying to start an argument .. i'm just telling you how it is and how i feel..
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i just don't know anymore.. i have this pain inside.
it's killing me.
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[25 Jun 2006|08:34pm] |
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mood |
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<3
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[23 Jun 2006|11:27pm] |
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there's not really a point in updating but i will.
i started going back out with justin last night.
he fucked up. we're over.
i smacked him so hard tonight.
i doubt he felt it. he was too fucking drunk to notice much.
i fucking fucking fucking FUCKING HATE that bitch kim he went out with.
and i bitched at her tonight and it felt damn good.
i cried with ross hugging me tonight because sarah said shit was my fault when its not.
this kid threatened ross's life which is bullshit. so sarah got pissed at me because the kid was associated with justin.
kristi pierced my right ear at the mall tonight.
that was the best part of my night, hanging out with kristi and everything.
we have a lot of shit in common.
justin apoligized to me.
doesn't mean i'm taking him back.
fuck that.
i saw tora tonight.
don't think she's too happy with me.
don't know why but whatever.
i swear i can feel my blood pressure rising.
i'm sort of shaking and my heart is beating really fast from when i screamed really loud because i was mad.
i wish i wasn't such a pussy.
then i'd pierce my own ears.
i really don't feel like going to work tomorrow.
oh and i just can't wait to go to summer school! yay! NOT.
fuck. i fucked up my summer.
hopefully getting the balls to ask for more hours after summer school.
good thing it's only from 8:10-10:30. june 27-july 28. lovely.
i have to stop fucking up.
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[15 Jun 2006|08:10pm] |
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No Real Reason To Except
The Way Things Have Changed ..
Starin' Down The Barrel Of A 45
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[28 May 2006|01:56pm] |
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okay so yesterday i worked 9:30-5:00 in the fitting room. but that's okay because daniella and ashley were there.
anddd i might get more hours! :) so that made me really excited.
then my mom picked me up and i got ready. kelly, jq, helena, tim, and tina came. they visited damien and then we left for met state!
first we had to go to ryan messom's to get him and poli.
then we went to walgreens and bought some flashlights. then we went to llyod's and him and his girlfriend came also.
we went to old country buffet also. there were so many little kids there. they were so cute. thenn we drove to met state.
we parked kind of away from it. so we walked up to it. when we got to the building, we went around and the door had a board over it. jq said there was never a board there and that kids must have done it because no one would do it like the way it was. then jq tried to hit the lock with a bat to open it but it didnt work.
so then llyod and michelle had to leave and the rest of us either had to pee or poop(jq!). so we walked back to the cars and found a burger king and peed and stuff. then we went back and decided to go to another building which was farther away. so we started walking on this path which led us to the woods. and thats usually gated/blocked off but it wasnt and jq thought that was really weird and he didnt have a good feeling about it. but we started walking through the woods and then we stopped and started talking about it and then poli said we should either talk about it when we get there or go back and talk.
so we went back and talked and decided to leave.
it was still intense. helena squeezed me so hard because she was so scared.
and walking back from the woods i heard something and so did helena so we said something and ryan was like oh so you heard that too.
it was intense.
then we drove home. i love ipods and music. :)
we dropped off ryan and poli, and then they dropped me off.
last night was fun :)
we're supposed to go back today but im going to that party with kaitlin instead because i said i'd already go with her so i am.
it should be great fun :)
ahh i love her<3
the end!
p.s.- i'm in a good mood :)
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